Bank Holiday Monday (yeah that was yesterday)

Had an early start to yesterday... (well got outta the house 9:30... that may be late for some but hell yo its early for me). I had to make it to my friend's place by 11 and being bank holiday i wasnt sure how frequent the underground and all would be. But it was good, got there on time. Then we set off down to Southend where were supposed to meet up with some friends. Now Southend is like a seaside place with all kinda rides and has a fair kinda atmosphere. All kinda people selling all kinda stuff. Had never been there before, only heard of it. Anyways, so we set off.. it was about a 35 mile drive from my friend's place. Props to K n his K-mobile (Merc C240 '02 to anyone who's interested)... effortless cruiser... we were tearin up the motorway (freeway to some of you out there) at 100mph easy and it wasnt even noticeable. The car has an awesome sound system too.... Oh and he likes his music loud! (i'm gettin carried away here)

So yes we're on the way down, and as soon as we see the 10 mile sign for Southend, the traffic slows down. I'm like what the??? Its still moving but not as fast... turns out there was an airshow at Southend too... and since the weather was majorly awesome... the traffic was mad! Anyways... took us a good hour and a half to make the 35 mile journey.. (most of it being spent in the last 10 miles of the journey). We get there, take around 20 min to find a spot to park. Then we juss walked around.

The airshow was awesome, we had some low flying planes around there. First there were some old kinda planes doing some stunts. There was this one stunt which particularly stuck out. This plane does a low pass near the crowd and then turns and goes straight up. And it kept slowing all the while its going up until it literally came to a stop. It's pointing upwards, spinning in position, but is at a complete standstill vertically. It stayed like that for a good 10 secs or so (that is a long time for a plane to juss stay in one position like that) and then the pilot juss let it fall down before he pulled her out and soared away. Awesome stuff.

Then there were other tricks and stunts but it wasnt till the harrier came out that i took notice. To those of you who dont know, the Harrier Jump Jet as its called, is something the Brit Airforce has had for quite a while now. The thing about these planes is they can take off and land vertically. They dont need no runways and stuff. Now this plane first flew around for a bit doing ur regular loops and stuff. Then he decided to come to a complete stop in mid-air. Then he moves it forward a bit, stops.. and then moves backwards.. me and a friend are looking at it and we're like gobsmacked. I mean its common knowledge the harrier is able to do all this, but seeing it with your own eyes is unbelieveable.. a plane going backwards.. wowsers.. Then he went sideways as well.. not forward or backwards.. but sideways... oooh i could go on forever.. it was awesome though...

The bad bit about going southend was the fact that the weather was good... nice and sunny.. (now u ask how that could be bad) well, that gave people the excuse to shed all their close except for the bare necessities. (ok maybe i'm exgerrating a bit but it wasnt a pretty sight). Now since i hadnt been to a seaside in this country till now and had forgotten what the weather would do to people, it wasnt till we got there that i was like.. err...wrong place.. Problem is I couldnt get out either cuz we were getting together after 4-5 months so i couldnt juss walk out. But me and my friend were uneasy so it was either scanning the sidewalk for chewing gum marks or lookin' up at planes. So much so that we were outta there in less than 2 hours (half an hour of which was spent in a Halal place staring at food). We were walking most of the time so got pretty tired. And again props to K and his car, soo comfortable the journey back was good. All in all had a nice day... got to see old friends. Wish it coulda been in a different setting though. Oh well, cant have it all can we??

Ozzy's turn to blog

Assalaam Alaikum all. Today ladies and gents.. i'll be letting Ozzy blog after a long time.. thing is normally when he opens his mouth i get into trouble so i try to keep him locked up most of the time.. (to those who dont know ozzy, he's my ummm evil side)

Me and my elder bro went to watch the matrix reloaded today... nopes.. we couldnt.. the next 3 shows were booked.. and quite frankly we werent in the mood to start watchin a 2 hour movie at 11:30 at nite so we ended up watchin' X-men2. Hmmm.. nice.. decent effects... But a movie only worth watching once. For anyone who's seen the first one, they'll know Wolverine has a pretty short temper and once he gets a bit frazzled he turns into a regular Kenwood Multiprupose Slicer and Dicer... Anyways we're going the other way.. back to my story... Once we finished the movie.. me and bhai stepped out and the first thing he said was... That was you 10 years ago... (No i didnt have sideburns covering half my face!) he meant the anger bit... Which is true... say around 10 years ago Usman was less in control. I was like totally the dude. I had it all right.. anything didnt go my way, well it wasnt pretty lets juss say that. So much so that I wouldnt look at the size, age or strength of the next person, I'd juss start doing my thing. Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately, depends how u look at it) there was always someone there sane enuff to get my hyde outta it before i got whoooped. (Jazaka'Allah to them all)

But somehow, that spineless jello has taken over now and no matter what happens, I havent been able to get out and do my thing. I kid you not people, i cant remember the last time i actually really blew up at someone or let my anger loose. It's all cuz of that jelly baby Usman. I dont know whats wrong with him. He's juss cramping my style.

Usman back in the commenting seat

Well people, as you can see, Alhamdulillah I have been able to control my anger to a great level Alhamdulillah. Now even when i do get angry i juss bury it deep inside (some people say it's not good to keep it insde and we should let it all out, but think.. how will the person u blow up on feel?). My anger was at rediculous levels before... Dont get me wrong, i knew the line between respect and disrespect and even in fits, i never crossed that (well almost never). Not something I'm proud of but believe me, when you do blow up, then you realize how wrong you were (even though you may have been 'right'). All i'm saying is, if you do have a lot of anger inside, learn to control it before you do something you regret.

By the way, props to Abez (yep the ruler of Abezistan) for partially giving me the idea for this post. She recently posted something similar on her blog which i recommend everyone read. Ofcourse the major part of it goes to my bro who gave Ozzy the chance to take a trip down memory lane. But like i say, Alhamdulillah, Ozzy's locked now and will remain so for a long time to come Insha'Allah.

To Tomahawk or not to Tomahawk... (can i ask the audience???)

Seeing as i've juss been threatened by a fellow chocohead to either update or get tomahawked...I decided i'd do it even though i'm damn tired right now... Anyways.. yeah weirdo stuff been going on.. aint gonna go into all the details today... but i think there's a prob with me and old ladies or something.. A few days ago i was gonna go drop off this monitor to my friend's place. So i doo di doo on over to the bus stop with a 15 inch monitor in my hand... and then 2 min later this old gentleman and a lady come to the stop too. The guy takes one look at me and goes.. 'here.. turn on the telly lets whats on then!'. (obviously he's jokin' around) and then the lady turns to me and goes... if u turn on any football or snooker i'll junk ur tv right here... then she looks at the guy and goes.. ' larry i dont think it's a tv though'... Obviously till now i'm juss enjoyin the whole scenario and then i decide to jump in. So we start chit chatting.. and this pigeon walks by... (no not walk by as in oh i'm going to the hairdressers down the road.. juss a normal pigeony walk-by). It had a little piece of bread in its beak which it put down and promptly began to throw around.. me and larry (my new and oldest new friend) go.. aww thass cute.. She (cant 'member her name) goes no they're filthy animals who poo all over the place and make everything dirty.. they should be gotten rid of... Then me and Larry double-team on her to try to prove they're God's creations.. She takes one look at LArry adn goes u want me to floor u then??? At this point i was laffin' my head off when she said that... cuz both of 'em must've been around 70 or so.. but they were sooo lively and chatty... it was amazing Masha'Allah.

And thass the basic point of this whole post.. I think i was talkin' to them for around 20-25 min... (typical of busses runnin late in rush hour).. but the love i saw between the 2 of them was unbelievable.. it was like they'd only been married a month or so... they were jokin' about with each other.. They had such a warm caring tone when they talked to me.. and even when i was gettin off the bus.. Larry calls out to me you pay the license for that TV or i'm reportin ya... (we had a talk about tv licences in between too but thass another story) Not something you see everyday... I was like man may Allah put this kinda love in the hearts of every married couple... Juss really made my day. :)

It's all about the Desis Baby!

Right now i'm talkin' to Shadanov on MSN... although I'm supposed to be working on my voice over IP project which was given out over a month ago and is due in 2 days and i havent even started it yet! (any volunteers to do it?) We're discussin' how we're gonna be takin' over the world (ok maybe juss hangin' out... not soo much world domination). Ofcourse the conquest shall start from the Baskin Ro... (oops.. i'm not supposed to mention food in my posts am I?) Yeah so ummm anyways.. we're gonna be takin' over the world... Anyone who's interested in joinin' us can simply fill out the followin' form and mail it to me or Mr. Shadanov Killalotsky (most questions juss require a yes/no/maybe/lemme ask my lawyer kinda answer).

- Name (optional) : _______________
- Age (in light years) : _______________
- Relationship to Saddam, Sooddam, and Seeddam : _______________
- Number of Calories consumed per day: _______________
- Marital Status (i.e. for men, how many wives you have... for women how many kids you have) : _______________
- Do you own a Camel or a similar means of high performance transport? : _______________
- Do you have any friends who's nicknames are 'chemical', 'nuclear' or 'ur gonna regret this'? : _______________
- Are you literate (i.e. passed/failed/bribed ur way up to 3rd grade?) : _______________
- Do you agree marshmallows are soul food? : _______________
- Where do you get ur depleted uranium from? (I know a guy on mars who sells it dirt cheap, if you dont believe me check the prices of the guy next door) : _______________
- Your Favourite Icecream : _______________
- If you became ruler of earth (or krypton) what is the first thing you would do? : _______________
- Do you own any small islands? : _______________

We appreciate the time and effort you took (or your friend took in filling it out for you) to fill out the form. Please tick the options below whether you want us to share your personal info with the secret service, MI5, the KGB, Russian mafia, Japanese Triads/Yakuza, Sicillian drug lords??

Yes : _______________
If you do i'm dead : _______________
This is the third time i've relocated in the witness protection program already! : _______________
Do i have a choice? : _______________

Oh, whichever you decide... We'll send it off anyways cuz we need the money to fund our takeover project. Have a nice day ! :)

Freebies n me! :)

Assalaam Alaikum. Apologies to the people who put up with my ramblings (even though i'm very sporadic these days). I've been just a bit busy with stuff, actually too much hapennin' these days, me juss tryin' to drag myself along with the pace. Anyways, on to my usual nothingness.

Actually its more to do with how I somehow get freebies every now and then which come from the most random of places. Case in point, yesterday mom was too tired and my brain was racked so cuoldnt be bothered to cook nothing, so i volunteered to get fried chicken and stuff for dinner, Mom goes fine... So i get to teh place and its damn packed. Anyways... get in line.. wait 10 min for a chance to order. Then this weirdo oldish woman comes and stands next to me in line and begins to lean on me.. I'm juss move up a bit and the weirdo moves closer and leans again.. I'm like whass her prob.. move over again (i'm a very un-standoffish person) and yep.. u guessed it.. Miss oldy decides she has to lean on me again.. I move back a bit and go 'excuse me but i do need space to breathe u know'... Oldy goes oh sorry luv... it was juss a bit cozy there.. I was like whatever.. move down will ya. the guy behind the counter had been watchin' and since he sorta knows me, he skips a person and asks me for my order, to which i duly reply and move outta the line to sit on the side.

The place (Chicken cottage to the people who live here) recently started doing milkshakes and the banana shake was juss sittin their in the milkshake machine thingy calling out to me... "take me, drink me.. u dont wanna miss me!" So anyways i decided while i'm waiting i might have one. Sat there for another 5-10 min sippin away. Then when my order comes the weirdo woman gets up and goes to get my order. Behind-the-counter dude goes this aint ur order, at which the woman goes i'm going home and tries to get the bags again.. By this point I'm thinkin' she has to be drunk or stoned or all of the above, hold my breath and walk to the counter. The counter dude pulls the bags to the side cuz he seez i'm holdin' my breath (hate those smells of drink or drugs). I say how much and he quotes the price for the meals and i go i've got the shake too. He juss smiles and goes no probs man. I say Jazaka'Allah to counter-dude and leave. Moral of story.. I fuond a new best friend :) kiddin....

There's also this doner place near my house where i ocassionally go to. (Yes this is related to freebies again). I'm gonna make a freedom fries lover extremely jealous here!. They're turkish and whenever I go there i juss start babbling with 'em in turkish. Very very nice guys, (and they like it when a non-turkish dude fires off turkish with 'em). Nearly every time i go, i get some freebie or the other. Usually its either a drink or more commonly FRIES! :) yup yup.. fries for free.. tell me it gets any better than that. All i can say is Masha'Allah there are people out there who are nice juss for the sake of niceness. I doubt it's to keep me comin back cuz i dont eat out very regular... A smile and decent conversation does still go a long way and i'm a true believer in that. And i dont say that juss cuz of the freebies..

There still are good people out there... And all i can say is Alhamdulillah to that :)

To blog.. or not to blog.. hmmm... c ya tomorrow guyz :)

It's out there! (and i'm even further out!)

Ok I have officially lost it... There is a huge conspiracy going on against us former smokers who are trying hard to kick the habit (has anyone noticed i'm the only one who keeps thinking there are conspiracies going on all over the place???). Now this is absolutely true.. yesterday night after dinner I decided i'd go over to my friend's place so we can go for a walk or something. I get outta the house and immediately there's this like rush of cigarette smell that smacks me in the face... I'm like o maybe someone's been smoking here or something... no biggie.. I'm walking along.. and it's like the smells stayin' with me.. I'm like 'hmmmm... maybe the good ol' nose is in bloodhound mode pickin' up ciggy smoke whereever it can'... but about a min later i'm thinkin this aint me nose thats pickin' up the whiff.. it's all over the place.. so juss to make sure i ask a guy on the street and (weird as it may sound) ask him.. 'dude do u smell something weird?'. And the guy goes it sorta like cigarette smell man.. I'm like gawd it aint juss me, it's really hapenning.. (or maybe he juss gave up smokin' too and he's going paranoid like moi. But belive me people.. I kid you not... the smell was actually there.. and before anyone asks... yes i did pinch myself.. I was wide awake! :s

We're not alone

Not one who usually does it but i decided I'd take a look and see what exactly sitemeter has to say about my blog. The usual referrals came up.. from other blogs I usually visit.. from people typing stuff like 'Friends Roman Countrymen' in search engines.. but juss now sometihng weird caught my eye... Soemone actually searched for 'Umair loves Sana' .. Here's the weird bit.. my blog came up on top of the search results.. third was Sana's Blog and blieve it or not 6th was Cindy's blog. So in the top 10 results were three blogs which are within what i liek to call Blogistan. Very weird people out there.. even weirder search engines!

Oh before I forget I'd like to say Jazaka'Allah to Abez once again for an absolutely hillarious post which had me in stitches forever!

Raeesa Make sure those icecreams are packed air tight.. i dont want no impurities... have our connection in Cali ship them off as soon as possible (sorry people bitta busiess talk with me co-conspirator!)
Shereen Insha'Allah you'll do great in the exams.. we'll all be duain' for ya Insha'Allah sis :)
Grouchy All i wanna know is how you claim inspiration for this story? And what makes u think i aint Kaiser Sosay??? :p
Bushra The Kohinoor is all ours as Abez pointed out, I soo totally agree
Shadaan Stop being mean and share with us too bro... there might be some BR in it for ya ;)
Sahar I sooo totally agree about this post winning the Best Blog Entry FOREVER Award.. but ummm.. u cant let abez take all the credit can u???

Guest Posts Galore!

Assalaam Alaikum all. As is the rule of guest posts, i shall be putting up the post graciously written by Abez without editing (even if there are any spelling mistakes, but then again she's an english teacher so bah to that!) or even reading it for that matter. I shall read it once its on.. which will be in the next 5...4...3...2...1

"A lone car rolled silently up the street, passing unnoticed through the streets of Somewhere, UK. Unbeknownst to all, there sat within it- Usman. Yes, Usman, the usual suspect of such crimes as a recent heist where the thief lowered himself in from the ceiling of the Queen’s Private Baskin Robbins and made off with three of her most precious flavors- Kohinoor Krunch, Beefeater Brownie Fudge and Mind the Gap Grape Sorbet. But Usman was only suspected, never caught, never convicted, he always had bulletproof alibis.

“Me? Steal the Queen’s Ice Cream?” he snorted contemptuously at the Scotland Yard, “Don’t be absurd! I have a hundred witnesses to say that I was hundred miles from the scene of the crime!” The constable glinted through a suspicious eye and said, “Oh yeah? And what was ye doing a hundred miles from the crime with one hundred of yer friends?” Usman turned and said dismissively, “Oh, a hundred different things...”

The car slowed now, and Usman stepped out. He gave his watch a cursory glance and then stepped briskly in the direction of his office. Upon entering, he found the lobby looking as it usually did, opulent, polished, oozing class from the leather sofas to the faux fur ashtrays. He turned to the receptionist, Sahar, and said, “Any calls for me Miss Sahar?” Sahar looked up, and then promptly died. Usman rubbed his chin and said, “Hmm, third time this week.” Then he stepped into his private elevator.

Once inside the privacy of his office, he opened his laptop and began planning his next heist. It wouldn’t be long, he thought to himself, it wouldn’t be long till he could afford what he had long been dreaming of...all the crime and all the burglary would pay off one day, and on that glorious day, Usman would finally be able to open his very own Ice Cream Island. He was preparing for that momentous day by stealing the finest flavors from all over the world.

From the American president's own private freezer, he had stolen three gallons of Perfidious Pretzel Ice Cream, and an entire case of freedom toast squares to make Sundaes with. From Spain he had burgled ‘Stachio of Seville, and from China he pilfered Great Wall of Walnuts. His private cache of flavors was steadily growing, he almost had the thirty-one he so desperately needed.

He placed satellite calls to his various co-conspirators daily, Sana, Yasmine, Aniraz, Tora, Raeesa, Otty, and many others. They all contribute to the elaborate thefts, some work to cover the electronic tracks he made, others store the ice cream, still others scope out potential flavors and relayed their findings to him.

Suddenly, the screen on his laptop flickered and a familiar face appeared via satellite link up. It was Bond, James Bond, and he sat bobbing his head to the theme music coming from his mobile phone before he realized he was already online. “Oh!,” he said suddenly, dropping his mobile phone. “There you are Usman! I know what you’re up to! The M-16 or 15 or M-whatever, we're on to you!”

Skip to a few hours later in the story and gloss over a very exciting car chase scene and then an elaborately choreographed fight scene, like the Matrix + Crouching Tiger + Cats and Dogs. Trust me, it’s really thrilling, ok?

Anyway. Usman has been mortally wounded...Shady..I mean...James Bond as well as the other members of the M-whatever organization thingie have given Usman a paper cut, and now Usman is dying alone on the top of a sky scraper. Just as he thinks all hope is lost and his dreams of Ice Cream Island will never be fulfilled, and chopped appears above him and lowers a rope ladder. He jumps and catches it with one hand, and he flies off into the sunset dangling from the chopper above the picturesque skyline of Somewhere, UK.

WHen the chopper finally lands, Usman struggles to stand (the paper cut is really stinging at this point) and he says, “Whoever you are, I owe you my life. I offer you 50% of my Ice Cream Island.” The person in the chopper does not turn around, he only laughs quietly. “Who, who are you?” Usman says nervously.

The man turns around and grins, and says, “I am Kaiser Sozay! Bwahahaaa!”

The End.

(My apologies if I left anyone out, or if you don’t know who Kaiser Sozay is. It has to do with the movie, The Usual Suspects. Howzat for a guest post, eh? -Abez) "