Friday, December 12, 2003

The Saga Continues - The Final Showdown!

Right, this is where the original story as written before comes to an end, if anyone wants, they can start a new one in the comment box... Anyways, I'd like to thank the people who contributed to the story and ofcourse to Sensei for the actual concept of the story! Now, without any further delays... the last part...


As the silvery liquid took the form of an average hijabi, complete with hijab, it said, “Why do you guys think the Agency disguised me as Arnold? I am a terminator after all.”

“But,” Usman sputtered, “Arnold the Terminator is a ghetto model, the kind with moving parts, not the liquid kind. That’s only in Termintor 2.”

“I know,” liquid Abez shrugged, “It was a minor oversight on the Agency’s part. They haven’t seen either movie.”

“Terminator or not,” Murali said, stepping closer to the secret agents, “None of you are leaving here alive!” Murali menacingly pointed a malicious-looking contraption in their direction.

“What is that?” Agent Ar-Cee asked, stifling a giggle. “It looks like a water gun with a toaster duct-taped to the barrel..”

“Or,” Agent X chortled, “Like someone was absent the day they handed out real weapons back in evil-agent school.”

“Don’t you laugh at this!” Murali growled, “This little number here is the child of years worth of weapons research and creative tinkering. Not only does it launch deadly Pakistani throwing-shoes, it also sprays tepid lemon squash with a Ph level so volatile that it’ll burn your skin right off! Nobody move!”

“Get back, everyone,” Abez said, gallantly stepping forward. “I’ll take care of this. So, Murali, we meet again. Though the last time we met, I think you were called Solid Snake.”

“That’s right,” Murali said slickly, “And you were Liquid Snake.”

“What on earth is going on?” Usman whispered.

“I think it has something to do with project Metal Gear Solid,” Agent X said, “Murali and Abez have been nemesisisisises…uh…enemies for years, but before that they were partners. Watch!”

The two former partners were now facing off, and the tension in the room was palpable.

“Put down your weapon Murali, the FOPS of the SSGM have been thwarted. There’s no future in it anymore,” Abez said, flexing her liquid muscles and shaping them into long, sharp pokey-things.
“FOPS?” Murali laughed, “I don’t care about the FOPS, I’m just here for you!”

“Me?” Abez said, “Why do you want to lemon-squash me?”

“Because you left half a cup of cold coffee on the computer table again. Do have any idea how irritating that is?”

“Hey, you’re the one who peels apples on the mouse pad! And you bleached one of my favorite shirts in the laundry last week!”

“So what? You haven’t even DONE the laundry this week!” (Abez)


“We have to stop them, or they’ll destroy everything!” Usman said, dodging a stream of deadly lemon-squash. It ate a hole in the cement wall that it struck behind him. In the mean time, Abez had unleashed her liquid pokey-things and what remained of the walls and ceiling was taking a beating. The building couldn’t hold up forever. The three agents, Usman, X, and Ar-Cee ran and took cover behind an overturned table

“We’ve got to do something!” Agent Usman yelled over the deafening crashes and hisses of walls being toppled and then burned with lemon squash.

“What?” Agent X yelled back, “Ar-Cee, do something!”

Yaz…err..Agent Ar-Cee tapped her forehead frantically, trying to wake up whatever part of her brain it was that came up with brilliant life-saving ideas. It took a few taps before it woke up, and then the imaginary light bulb went on over her head. “Aha!” She said, “I know!”

“Wait!” Agent Ex said, trying to stop Ar-Cee as she rushed out into the fray. “It’s too dangerous!”

“Watch this!” Agent Ar-Cee said, clambering up onto a pile of rubble. She cupped her hands over the mouth and turned in a roughly Western direction. She then drew a deep breath and called out, “MoooOOOOoooM!!!!!!! THEY’RE FIGHTING AGAIN!”

Instantly there was silence, Abez and Murali froze, and within seconds, the Western door to the ruined FOPS base burst open and there she stood, larger than life, Da Momma… (Abez)


Her over-permed, bleached, blonde hair stood out like a lion's mane and back lit,with the lights of the ruined building, shone like an angel's halo. DaMomma was the perfect balance between heaven on earth and the wild kingdom.


"Owl, Abez, I've told you a thousand times no fighting. Owl, put down that Lemon Squash before you put out someone's eye. Girls, is this any way for hijabis to act? I don't think so..."

The two most dangerous secret agents in the world hung their heads in shame. Momma was right, Momma's always right. "All right, all of you, grab brooms and start cleaning up this mess. It's not nice to turn death rays on other people's nice buildings. Besides, what harm did the SSGM ever do to you? Why some of my best friends are girlie men. Just last week Tony Danza and I were having lunch and he was giving me great tips on skin care."

With humble hearts and bowed heads the agents did as they were told. After all, daMomma was right again.

"The North Korean embassy called and wants me to arrange negotiations to end the nuke stand off with America. I'm going to need all your help on this assignment. The Nk's don't know that I know their plans to dismantle their reactors, wrap the uranium in cabbage leaves, bottle it as Kimchee and then, reassemble it later when the US has signed a non-aggression treaty. So, kid's you see we have our work cut out for us. Let's clean up here, go to my house for chilli and german chocolate cake and I'll give you your mission briefings."

And so, with the promise of daMomma's home-made cake motivating them, the clean up was quickly effected, Owl and Abez made up, and agents Usman, X-Caliber, and Ar-Cee were ready once again to save the world from itself. (Abez/Aniraz’s Momma)
THE END! (phew!)

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